


Once and Again

by cinagray



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:26:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413048
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinagray/pseuds/cinagray
Summary: The press is spreading the word: A-list actor Dean Winchester has been secretly dating Castiel Novak the bass player from the band Trickster for at least a year.But Dean knows the truth- they saw each other for the first time in a decade at a charity dinner and all those years of pining for his old flame left him in desperate want of the relationship that could have been.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 125





	Once and Again

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was written for Writing Prompt Wednesday for the celebrity AU prompt.

His phone rang and Dean groped around for it, bringing it to his ear without opening his eyes. “Hello?”

“Have you seen any news today?” Charlie asked.

“No- you fucking woke me up.”

“It’s almost noon.”

“And it’s my day off.” Dean rolled over onto his back. “What do you want, Charlie?”

“You’re in the news. Heavily.”

Dean groaned. As much as he loved acting he hated the invasion of people that just didn’t get the difference between public life and private. “Just say it, Charlie. It’s too fucking early to make me guess what they’re making up about me right now.”

“It looks like you have a boyfriend.”

_ Shit like this. _ It was nobody’s business about his love life or his sexuality, but there it was. “Well, I don’t. It’ll blow over.”

“You haven’t seen these pictures.”

“What can there be to see? I didn’t do anything with anyone.”

“Your favorite gossip blogger writes: ‘Dean Winchester may be coming out of the closet sooner than predicted’,” Charlie read. “And then there are some pretty interesting pictures of you and Castiel Novak.”

_ Fuck Becky Rosen. _ “There can’t be ‘interesting pictures’ because nothing ‘interesting’ happened. He was at the charity dinner I went to last night so we went for drinks after.”

“With Castiel Novak from Trickster? How do you even know him?”

“We went to high school together. I haven’t seen him in ten years.”

“So you look at all your old high school pals like that?”

“Like what?”

His phone chimed when Charlie sent a somewhat fuzzy shot of him and Cas at the restaurant table, a goofy grin on his face. Shit.

“So they caught a weird moment that made it look that way,” Dean buffered. “You know how it is.”

“She goes on to detail how she’s certain you’ve been dating for almost a year. She has some pretty compelling evidence.”

“Jesus fucking christ, Charlie. She can’t, because it’s not true. I literally haven’t seen him since we were 18. I didn’t have so much as his phone number until last night.”

Charlie went silent on the other end long enough that Dean checked to see if she’d hung up.

“You got Castiel Novak’s number?” Charlie finally asked.

Dean sighed. He had never once doubted hiring his friend to be his assistant, but she had never fangirled this hard before. “Charlie, you meet famous people all the time. I’m famous people.”

“I’m sorry! I’ve been listening to Trickster since college and they’re so amazing. Does that mean you know Gabriel too?”

“Oh my god, Charlie. I can’t do this with you. I’m too fucking exhausted. Call Pamela, tell her there’s nothing to it so she can issue a statement and we can wait for it to die down.”

“Are you going to call him?”

“Charlie,” he warned.

“You’re really cute together.”

“I’m going back to bed. Don’t fucking call me.” Dean ended the call and dropped the phone next to him in the bed. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep now. He’d already spent half the night thinking about Cas and he truly was exhausted, but now that Cas was in his head again…

Dean got up and went straight to the coffee pot. His phone rang as he finished the coffee preparations, and he prepared to yell at Charlie. The anger tamped down when he saw it was Pamela.

“How’s my favorite publicist?”

“Not as good as my favorite client who doesn’t want to come out to the public but insists on flirting with men in public places.”

Dean grabbed a mug from the cabinet next to the sink “It wasn’t flirting. It was dinner with a friend from high school.”

“That you’ve been dating for a year?”

Dean sighed. “Why does everyone keep saying that?”

“Becky Rosen has dates and photos on her blog. You were in the same city as Castiel Novak when he was on this last tour four different times, and when you were on that three week shoot in Atlanta he was there on one of the weekends in the same goddamn hotel. If you two are dating I just want to know so we can craft a story that fits.”

“First, no. I honestly haven’t seen him since high school. That other stuff is coincidence.”

“That’s a lot of fucking coincidences.”

Dean scoffed as he poured his coffee. “I don’t know what to tell you, Pamela! It’s true.”

Pamela’s sigh went loud and long through the phone. “This one is going to follow you for awhile. Do you talk to him at least? You have his number?”

“I got it last night.”

“Then get his goddamn schedule and make sure you’re nowhere near him for the next six months if you don’t want this to become an even harder push on your sexuality. Or let’s draw up a timeline for when you want to come out.”

“Nope.” Dean poured his coffee. “I’m not doing that.”

“Not even for Castiel Novak?”

“We’re not together!” Dean stirred his coffee too aggressively as a result of his insistence and it spilled over the edge of his mug. “Dammit. I’m going. Leave it alone.”

“Call him.”

“Will that keep you off my fucking back?”

Pamela laughed. “If you would stop making eyes at men in public there wouldn’t be so much doubt.”

He laughed. “I’ll talk to you later, Pamela.”

Dean wasn’t going to come out because of a blogger, and certainly not for casual drinks with an old friend. He’d always thought that maybe if he found someone to settle down with he might do it, but even that thought sent his stomach into knots.

He took his coffee to the living room and decided to look it up himself. He refused to visit Becky Rosen’s site, but several other celebrity gossip sites had picked up her analysis as well as the pictures. Dean shook his head as he looked through them. There was nothing to see in his opinion--two guys getting a couple drinks. But then there was the one Charlie had texted him already and then… it was Cas with the grin Dean loved and lowered eyes.

He and Cas had only been together a few months by the time they had to go separate ways. Cas took his band to Chicago where they had been given a great opportunity and Dean went out to LA. They talked on the phone most nights and managed to see each other when they both went home for Christmas, but neither of them had the money to fly regularly, so over time they had just sort of faded out. No one did anything wrong--they were both busy working and building their adult lives. Calls became less frequent, excuses about lack of time increased and Dean eventually called it what it was. He told Cas to move on and Cas agreed. Calls disappeared, but there was the occasional text for a few months before it all went silent. There had been nothing from Cas in almost three months by the time Dean realized his mistake. He tried to call, but Cas had moved on to another number.

When Dean walked into the charity dinner and found himself seated next to his former flame he kept his eyes elsewhere and tried to convince himself that it wouldn’t be awkward after all this time. They’d acknowledge each other and maybe say a quick hello before spending the evening talking to the person on their opposite side. But then Cas smiled at him, said hello, and it was like no time had passed as they discussed work and caught each other up on their families.

Going for drinks after seemed like exactly the thing to do. There was still a lot to talk about and they had laughed together as they drank, remembering old times. It was nice in so many ways, but Dean couldn’t deny that it had turned up some serious feelings. At first he brushed it off as sheer happiness to see his old friend, but as the little case of jitters developed into a full blown case of butterflies every time Cas smiled or laughed or looked at him with all the blue in the world concentrated in those eyes Dean had to admit it was more than just joy. He truly was glad to see Cas, but by the end of the evening with him Dean knew he wanted more.

Dean closed the laptop and looked at his cell. He could call Cas, warn him, but if Cas’s people were as on top of social media as Dean’s were he already knew. He wouldn’t need Dean to tell him. Dean wasn’t even sure he’d be able to get the right words out without giving away his feelings.

***

When Charlie called late that afternoon Dean almost didn’t answer. He didn’t want to talk about Cas anymore- not when his head was already clogged with regret at what might have been between them.

“Yeah, Charlie?”

“Hey. I have an invitation for you to accept or decline.”

“It can’t wait until we meet tomorrow?”

“It’s for tonight. For Trickster. You and a guest.”

Dean closed his eyes as he swiped a hand down over his face. “I don’t know, Charlie. It’s just going to feed all this nonsense.”

“Come on! You can take me with you.”

“Charlie,” Dean groaned.

“Obviously I can’t force you to go, but he specified that it had to be you and a guest. So if you don’t go I can’t be your guest.”

“He who?”

“What?”

“You said ‘he’ specified. Who was ‘he’?”

“Um, Cas Novak? Who I got to talk to on the phone with his ridiculous low voice.”

“Why didn’t he call me?” Dean muttered. They exchanged numbers. If he was going to make the invitation himself he should have just called.

“So what are we going to do, boss?”

“What time, Charlie?”

“Oh, umm… eight.”

“Come on over here to get ready if you want and order a car to pick us up.” Dean ignored her squeals of joy, even though it made him happy to hear her so excited. His mind had already moved on to trying to figure out what to wear that night.

***

The venue was small but comfortable. The music flowed warm and close around everyone in a familiar friendly way. Chuck, the lead singer, poured everything he had into every lyric and Gabriel caught Dean’s eye early in the show and winked. And of course there was Cas. He played cool and mellow the whole time, no matter how involved his part became. He didn’t smile, but as he played a particularly good line one corner of his mouth would turn up ever so slightly. Smiles were hard won with Cas- Dean remembered that much. Watching him play again took Dean straight back to high school and watching Cas play at their senior prom. They weren’t together yet- Dean had brought a girl named Rhonda Hurley he’d dated on and off for awhile- but Dean ended up dropping her off at the after party where she found a friend to drive her home. He and Cas made their own after party in the backseat of the Impala out in the dark along a little-driven road.

Cas had smiled at him the night before while they drank together. Maybe it was just talk of old times that brought it out in him, but then Cas smiled at him from the stage and Dean’s heart flipped.

After the show Dean signed autographs for a few people before Charlie chased them off and a young woman dressed in black approached them. “Mr. Winchester? You have backstage access if you’d like to use it.”

Dean glanced at Charlie. “Uh, yeah. Of course.”

Gabriel, Chuck and the drummer were hanging out on a couch in the green room, but Cas paced the room until Dean hit the doorway.

“You came back.” Cas sounded surprised, but he smiled broadly and offered his hand.

“Of course,” Dean said. He took the offered hand and shook, pulling Cas in for a hug. He wanted a reasonable excuse to touch him some way and this made for perfect contact. Cas patted him on the back and when they separated he smiled again. Damn his amazing eyes.

“Uh, this is Charlie,” Dean motioned to her after realizing too late that he should be making introductions. “My assistant and best friend.”

Charlie smiled and waved awkwardly.

Cas shook her hand. “We spoke on the phone. It’s nice to meet you in person.”

“Th-thank you,” Charlie’s voice had gone small, but her eyes big and Dean almost laughed.

“This is my brother Gabriel, our friend Chuck, and Crowley.” Cas said, pointing at each one.

They all at least lifted a hand or nodded to acknowledge the introduction, but no one got up.

“We were just talking about food and where to go,” Cas said. “I’d like you to join us.”

Dean tried to keep the surprise off his face. “Sure. I’ll go wherever you go.”

Charlie squeezed his arm, but Dean couldn’t wipe the smile from his face as long as Cas was looking at him like that.

Gabriel ended up choosing. By the time they were all settled at the restaurant Dean decided that Gabriel was practically the same as he’d been in high school, although even bolder in the wake of his fame and good alcohol. They had accomplished something few bands did these days- it was extremely difficult to rise out of the thousands to become a bestseller, but they had done it. Gabriel told the story best, about how they’d picked up Crowley early on and he’d been the real change that had launched them into their storied career. Cas sat quiet next to Dean, eyes on his brother every so often while he caught Dean up on everything Trickster. Dean tried to stay just as focused, but he kept stealing looks at Cas instead. Cas had truly grown up and it had only improved his profile. Dean took another drink to hide the way his mouth went dry when he looked at Cas.

“So I heard you two have been hiding a relationship for a year now,” Chuck teased.

Cas blushed and Dean laughed. “That’s what they’re saying,” Dean replied.

“But we haven’t seen each other since, what? Eighteen? Nineteen?”

“Eighteen.” Dean replied, looking directly into Cas’s deep eyes and Cas met his gaze readily.

“I’d cut that out if you want to get the truth out there,” Gabriel said. “Looking like that at each other is what got you in the headlines in the first place.”

Cas colored a deeper red and looked away. “You’re right.”

“Of course I am.” Gabriel slung his arm around his brother’s shoulders. “I’m always right.” He winked at Dean again over Cas’s head. “We should get a move on. Big day tomorrow too.”

“What’s tomorrow?” Dean leaned toward Cas while everyone else went about getting ready to leave.

“Interviews lined up most of the day. You?”

“Probably reading scripts and then I have a premier tomorrow night.”

“What a life,” Cas said with a grin.

“Yours too.”

Cas looked away and Dean smiled at the shy motion. That was what he remembered best about Cas- the way he pulled back from the smallest of compliments.

“How long are you in LA?” Dean asked.

“Two more days. Interviews tomorrow and the next day then back to Chicago for a little while to finish up some recording.”

Two days. “Well, I hope to see you again sometime,” Dean said. “Ten years was too long.”

“Coming, Cassie?” Gabriel asked.

“Yeah.” Cas met his brother’s eyes, then looked at Dean. “Ten years was far too long. I’ll let you know when I come to LA again.”

Dean wanted to kiss him. He wanted to tell him he still wondered about them and how they would be if they had just stayed together in spite of distance and time.

“Okay,” Dean said, and a minute later everyone was saying goodbye and going their separate ways.

Charlie didn’t say anything in the car. Dean stared out the window watching all the other cars go by and cursing himself for not taking the chance when he had it. Who knew when he’d see Cas again. It could be months or years, and that was too long. Dean pulled out his phone with an intention to text, but he held back. He didn’t even know if Cas felt the same. Maybe he was just happy to see an old friend that he remembered fondly. They’d run into each other again and maybe then Dean would be brave enough to say something. Maybe then he’d have the courage to ask Cas to be his.

***

Dean didn’t know Cas would be at the premiere of his new film, much less getting out in the car right behind him. Dean was the last one out of the car he’d shared with his co-star Anna Milton and her husband Michael, and the cameras were already flashing. Michael and Anna posed for a few flashes and then the shouting started.

“Dean Winchester! You came alone again- no special girl?”

“I came with friends,” Dean said with a smile and a nod to Anna and Michael. He loved the actual work of acting, the clout that came with being a star so he could better represent and support some of his favorite charities, and he even liked some of the social events. But being constantly badgered by the media about when he might settle down with the right girl was frustrating.

They called for him to pose with Anna, so he took his place next to her and pasted a bright smile on his face. He caught sight of Cas out of the corner of his eye as the cameras flashed. Dean struggled to get his focus back on Anna and looking the way he should for the cameras, but Cas and Gabriel came up just as Dean, Anna and Michael were turning away and the media went nuts, calling for Cas and Dean to pose together.

Dean turned back and found Cas smiling at him. “Want to have a picture made?”

“You want to answer this mess with a picture?” Dean asked.

Cas chuckled. “They’re already going to go crazy whether we do it or not.”

Dean shook his head, but he smiled for the cameras with Cas beside him as several members of the media yelled questions.

“How long have you been together?” Someone screamed over everyone else and Cas glanced at Dean before he answered.

“Dean and I were friends in high school. We met up at a charity dinner last week for the Alex Smith Foundation and reconnected for the first time in ten years.”

“Yeah, we have literally not spoken to each other in ten years,” Dean chimed in. “It was nice to reconnect.”

The media went crazy again yelling questions and accusing them of lying, but they both smiled and waved before they went in.

“Need somewhere to sit?” Dean asked when they made it into the theater. His heart thumped wildly in his chest and he chalked it up to the chaos outside even though he knew better.

“Sure,” Cas said. Gabriel seemed to have occupied himself elsewhere, so Dean and Cas found a few seats in the back before the movie began.

Dean was deeply aware of where Cas was at all times from the positioning of his body to exactly where his hands were. He was practically back in middle school the way his palms were sweating. He couldn’t concentrate on the film at all, just the feel of the seats and Cas right there next to him.

Cas leaned to his ear. “You’re very good in this.”

“Thanks.” Dean barely got enough air behind the word to produce sound. Cas had been on his fucking mind ever since they went for drinks and he knew he wanted to rekindle something there, but jesus fucking christ he hadn’t realized exactly how much he still felt for Cas until that moment with Cas’s mouth so close to his ear.

Cas’s knee bumped his and it wasn’t until Cas didn’t move away that Dean realized the intention. He pushed back a little and watched Cas for a reaction. Cas grinned that one sided thing he always did and shifted in his seat so they touched at the shoulder too. Dean swallowed and tried to force himself to relax. He hadn’t felt this nervous around anyone since he was in high school.

Cas leaned close again, and Dean held his breath to guard against whatever he might say.

“What are you doing after this?” Cas whispered.

***

The door hadn’t even closed behind them when Cas pushed him against the wall and kissed him. Dean moaned against his mouth and wrapped an arm around him at the waist. The quiet collected Cas that everyone knew disappeared when he had Dean Winchester to work with. Cas moved down his neck, licking and sucking, but never hard enough to leave a mark. Dean worked Cas’s shirt loose under the tux jacket to slide his hand up on Cas’s skin, up his back, and to the dip of his spine. He followed the line up as far as the stretch of the shirt would allow while Cas kissed him and wondered if Cas’d finally gotten the tattoo he’d always wanted. He’d find out soon enough.

In the car Cas had kept himself separate at first, safe in his own seat while Dean had tried to keep his breathing steady. Cas had directed the driver back to his hotel and Dean wrestled with the idea that they were really doing this- that Cas felt the same way, at least about the desire part. But then Cas had seated himself with all that space between them, eyes focused out the window. Dean’s uncertainty about what was happening had grown the longer Cas looked away, but then he had turned to Dean with those eyes of his and that half smile just like back in high school.

“Did you think we’d ever see each other again?” he had asked.

_ No, he didn’t. _ And now with Cas working at his shirt buttons while he kissed him filthy Dean wasn’t sure if they’d see each other again after. He hoped so, but he’d take what he could get. He hadn’t bothered getting Cas’s shirt off yet since he could touch him already underneath, but as urgency grew Dean knew he had to get his mouth on Cas’s body.

Cas had reached for him in the car, a simple hand held out but Dean didn’t take it. He traced the inside of Cas’s palm like he’d done when they were teenagers and when he looked up to Cas again, Cas’s eyes had gone ocean deep. Cas had closed the space between them and kissed him softer than Dean wanted, but it served as a kind reintroduction to what they had been years before when they were figuring everything out together. Cas had more experience now- Dean could tell in the way he kissed, but his stiff composure was the same. He held his body away until Dean pulled him in. Cas yielded with a sigh, allowing his hands access to Dean in whatever way Dean used his own hands. He had held back like he was waiting permission for every touch between them.

He abandoned that caution now. Cas pulled Dean’s jacket off and tossed it onto a nearby chair then pushed the tux shirt down Dean’s arms. Dean fumbled with cuff links while Cas kissed him and then wrenched the shirt off the rest of the way over his wrists. Next the undershirt over his head and Cas was already into his pants, letting them hang open after successfully opening the belt. Cas paused there, his eyes raking in every inch of Dean’s body as he traced the outline of muscle and bone along Dean’s sides.

“You’re so different,” Cas said and Dean scoffed.

“I hope so. I was a skinny nothing back then.”

Cas took his own clothes off slowly- jacket thrown over Dean’s, the shirt carefully unbuttoned all the way down, and then casually pulling his undershirt over his head. Dean watched every motion, and when Cas’s last layer came away he saw that Cas was different too. Lean torso with tattooed words across the ribs, and when he tossed his shirt he twisted enough for Dean to catch the ink on his back. Dean touched Cas at the waist and turned him to see for himself.

“You did it.” Dean traced the fine detail of Cas’s angel wings down from the tip of his shoulder, to the center of his back and down to his waistband. He kissed the tip of one wing then the other and Cas’ breath stuttered with the second touch of his lips.

“I did,” Cas finally said. “First thing I did with my first big check. I don’t think I even paid rent first.”

“I swear to god I know more about these wings than I actually know about you, you talked about them so goddamn much.” Dean traced another line and Cas shivered. “I’m glad you finally got ‘em.” He leaned in to kiss along the ridge of Cas’s shoulders from one side to the other in a slow steady line. He held Cas’s arms just below the shoulder to keep him in place, but as he kissed lower along those beautiful dark wings he dropped his hands to Cas’s waist instead, fingering along the line of his pants before reaching around for the buckle on his belt. Cas seemed calm in his actions, but the tension in his muscles told another story. Dean stood again as he worked the buckle open, then the button and zipper until he gripped Cas over his boxers and stroked slowly. Cas groaned and let his head fall back while Dean worked, grinding his own length against Cas’s ass.

“Christ- you’re perfect,” Dean whispered straight into his ear and Cas bit his lower lip. “I want you to fuck me like you used to,” he said. Cas hummed at that and arched into Dean’s hand. Dean worked him faster. “Is that what you want?”

“Yes.” Cas let his head fall against Dean’s shoulder, making small noises with every stroke, every slight turn of the wrist. “Hopefully better than the last time.”

Cas turned and Dean released him, licking his lower lip as he waited on Cas. But Cas left him there, going into the bathroom and returning with a condom and lube held up in one hand. Dean laughed at the goofy way he shook them, but met Cas next to the bed anyway, pulling him in for a real kiss even though he was still smiling. It turned serious fast as Cas dropped his handful on the bed and took over. His hands moved lightly over Dean’s body on their way to remove Dean’s pants and boxers and he slowed to run his hands over Dean’s firm ass once he had it bare.

Dean returned the favor, freeing Cas of his pants and boxers as well while they kissed and let hands roam free. The taste of him was almost enough. Dean wanted more, but this part he could carry on for a long time. He wanted to remake Cas in his mind- he was no longer the gangly awkward kid that had gone off to chase his music dream. He was now the man kissing Dean and running his hands over every inch to relearn him too. This Cas had followed through on pursuing everything he wanted and come out better on the other side.

Cas urged him to the bed, pressing him to sit down then lay back. Dean happily let Cas manipulate his body into going exactly where he wanted until he was higher up on the bed, Cas kneeling between his legs. When Cas leaned up over him to kiss him again Dean held him there with one hand on Cas’s neck and the other on the small of his back. Cas pressed against him, grinding them together and Dean moved with him until they were both breathing hard. Cas broke from Dean’s grasp to rock back on his heels and came back quick with lubed fingers. Dean welcomed his touch there and sighed long and low as Cas worked one finger in, then two not long after. Dean raised one arm back behind his head as he watched Cas between his legs. If anyone had told him the two of them would end up here again he would have laughed outright. But then Cas moved down over him and took him in his mouth and Dean had no time to reminisce. He put every ounce of focus into not coming too soon while Cas proved the skills he’d acquired in their decade apart. It made it almost easy not to notice the way Cas stretched him, on to three fingers sooner than he thought, and Dean couldn’t wait any longer.

“Fuck me already,” he hissed even as his hips raised off the bed at Cas’s touch.

Cas chuckled low while Dean was still in his mouth and Dean groaned. “Jesus fucking christ, Cas.”

Cas released him and went back to his knees. He stroked Dean lazily with one hand while he reached for the condom and lube with the other. “Still impatient,” he said while he rolled on the condom.

“I just know what I want.” Dean said back, watching as Cas lubed himself and grinned.

“Doesn’t mean you aren’t impatient.” Cas lined up and moved slow with Dean, watching his face with that intent stare he seemed to have only for him. After the ‘impatient’ comments Dean was loath to rush him, but Cas was just as careful as they’d been years before.

“Come on, Cas.” Dean tried to keep it quiet, but Cas caught his words and bit his lip as he pressed further. Dean breathed deep, even, forcing his eyes to stay open so he didn’t miss anything about the way Cas looked at him. Dean knew he was attractive but he had never met anyone who looked at him like Cas did.

Dean thought he’d have to prompt Cas to move, but Cas did just then like he’d sensed Dean’s need. Dean gasped a little at the first motion out and thrust back in, and Cas quickly fell into a rhythm that forced Dean’s head back and mouth open. Cas moved in all the right ways against him, and Dean’s one coherent thought was that he had to keep up. He tried to hold off until Cas’s rhythm changed, going uneven as he pumped into Dean. Dean came, with louder expression than he meant to, but Cas seemed spurred on by the sound and came a few thrusts after. When his body slowed, but his chest still heaved, he held himself over Dean’s body and kissed him languidly. He pulled back enough that Dean could really see him again and Cas’s eyes seemed to flash ahead of his gorgeous smile.

***

Dean woke up, but didn’t open his eyes. Opening his eyes meant admitting he had to get up and he always tried to delay that part as long as possible. Cas slept facing away on his stomach, pressed against Dean’s side, with his arm draped heavily across Dean’s chest.

If he remembered right it was Cas’s last day in L.A. Sure, they could both afford to fly regularly now. They could plan weekends and catch each other on tour and on set as their schedules aligned, but Dean didn’t want to have Cas on some sort of whimsical schedule. He had low-key pined for him for ten years, and then Cas’s unexpected appearance at that charity dinner had ratcheted that dormant desire up to the max. The idea of letting him go again was anathema, but Dean also recognized that he had no idea what this was for Cas. One night of fond remembrance? Something more?

After the first time they had shared a long hot shower that turned into a long makeout session and eventually slower lovemaking a second time. They hadn’t really spoken more than what they said during the act, and Cas was just as hard to read as he had been ten years earlier. He smiled easier now, and he’d lost some of the quiet edge that had kept him from making friends in school, but he still had that incalculable look about him. Dean shifted and Cas barely moved. Maybe it was better if he left.

Dean slid out from under Cas’s heavy arm and went to the bathroom to relieve himself. He could move through a morning routine with slow steadiness to ground himself again and then re-evaluate. He found his boxers on the floor next to the bed and went back to the bathroom to borrow some mouthwash at least. He didn’t want to fish through Cas’s things, and fortunately the mouthwash was already next to the sink. He swished and thought through it all again, trying to keep his imagination from running wild, but his father’s old words about Dean’s uselessness were always there no matter how many times Dean had pushed them down. He spit and rinsed his mouth as he decided.

Cas was still sleeping when Dean collected his pants from the floor and closer to the door his undershirt. He pulled that back on and stepped into the pants, noting that his cell phone was still in the pocket.

“Do you need to go?” Cas asked as Dean buttoned his pants. He sat up in the bed, hair standing every direction but not nearly so artfully as it did when he took the stage.

“Uh… I didn’t know if you’d want me here when you woke up.”

Cas’s eyebrow quirked and he smiled. “Of course I want you here. I brought you here.” He swung his legs over the edge of the bed and scooped up his boxers. They did nothing to hide his morning wood as he walked over to Dean.

“Do you need to be somewhere?”

“No.” Dean’s chest tightened. He didn’t know what to expect. Maybe another fuck this morning and then the real goodbye. He told himself he could try to be okay with that if it was all Cas wanted to give him.

“Then stay.” Cas stepped into his space and twisted their fingers together. Dean sighed as Cas put a hand behind his neck and kissed him soft, slow, too quick.

“Cas,” he started, but Cas grinned.

“I was thinking about buying a place here.” He turned but didn’t let go of Dean’s hand, instead leading him back to the bed. He sat down on the edge to face Dean and pressed a soft kiss to Dean’s stomach. “Do you think I should?”

“Cas…” Dean swallowed. He didn’t want him to buy a place- he wanted him to come stay with him. Forever.

“I come here for work frequently enough to make it somewhat worthwhile, but I need more reason than that.” Cas turned his vibrant blues up to meet Dean’s eyes and Dean nearly melted right there.

“Don’t buy anything.” Dean said. “Just stay with me. I have the room and I’d like to see you again.”

Cas’s face went from confident to uncertain and back to hopeful while Dean rambled and he cut Dean off with a laugh.

“You’d like to see me again. What does that mean?”

“I don’t know, Cas. What does this mean?” Dean motioned to the bed where they’d slept together.

Cas leaned back on his palms, face gone stoic again. “What do you want it to mean?”

Dean froze in the face of that question. He felt like he walked a tightrope- one wrong phrase and he was done for. He wanted so much for it to turn out right, and it seemed like Cas wanted the same thing… Dean decided to go for it.

“I want it to mean we’re together.”

Cas’s eyes narrowed. “Together means official and real, not just dating.”

“Yeah. That’s what I want.”

Cas laughed, harsh and quick. “I don’t think that will work for us.”

Dean’s insides dropped. He was dead wrong. He backed away, blinking, trying to clear his face of all the emotion he was sure to be shedding.

“No, Dean- I- stop. Okay? Listen to me.”

Dean backed into the chair and sat. He’d call Charlie. She could get him out of there without notice. He looked around for the rest of his things- the tuxedo shirt, the jacket, cufflinks on the little table-

“Dean? Please?”

He looked up at Cas standing a few feet away now, his eyes drooping at the corners. “I’m sorry. I want to have that with you. I just don’t think… I don’t know if you’re ready to be in that kind of relationship with a… with a man.”

“You’re not just a man, Cas. You’re you.”

Cas smiled faintly. “I appreciate that. I do. But you’d have to come out if we were going to really do this together and I don’t want to force you into that. I can wait until you’re ready, but-”

Dean already had his phone out of his pocket and dialing. Cas looked at him strangely while he waited for an answer.

“What can I do for you today, Dean?” Pamela asked.

“You know that timeline you’ve been hounding me about?” Dean met Cas’s eyes. “I’m ready to do it today if you can set something up.”

“Uh… sure. Okay. Why the sudden change of heart?”

“You know how you told me to stay away from Cas Novak for the next six months?” Dean punched a button on the phone and held it between him and Cas. “Say hi, Cas.”

Cas offered a tentative “hello?” and was met with silence on Pamela’s end.

“Is this actually Castiel Novak?”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

“Don’t ma’am me,” Pamela shot back. “Dean Winchester, what are you doing?”

“Uh, me and Cas kind of got reacquainted over the last few days and…” Dean took a deep breath, keeping his eyes on Cas for any hint that he should back down. “We are together now. For real. So I need to… yeah. Let’s release a statement or do an appearance or whatever you think is best.”

Pamela went quiet again and Dean started to shake. Cas gave away so little on his face already and Dean’s brain could easily multiply an imagined reaction when Cas showed nothing.

“Is this a statement about you, Dean, or is it about your relationship?” Pamela asked.

Dean looked to Cas for an answer. He shrugged but smiled. “Up to you,” Cas said.

“Let’s start with me and we’ll let them have fun guessing over the rest of it.” Dean said.

“Okay. I’ll call you back when I have something.”

Dean ended the call and waited for Cas to say he was wrong.Take it back, undo it-

“Well, that was… decisive,” Cas said.

“I can call her back.”

“Do you want to?”

Dean smiled nervously. He didn’t want Cas to see him sweat over this, but he was truly coming apart inside with his need to know exactly what Cas was thinking. Dean decided to be bold again, step through the fear and lay it all out there for clear acceptance or rejection. At least it could be over quickly that way. He stood up and stood toe to toe with Cas, invading his space like Cas had done just a few minutes before. “Cas, I’m doing this. It’s worth it if I can be with you.”

Cas broke into a grin and touched his shoulder. “Let’s do it then,”he said, and kissed Dean breathless.

**Author's Note:**

> Oh this fic. Vintage tellthenight approx. 2016.
> 
> PROMPT: Life was way easier before the paparazzi figured out that you and I once dated in high school, and because we’re both famous now they’ve decided it’d be the come-back story of the century if we got back together and they’re determined to make that total fiction into reality… I mean, this is the first time I’ve seen you in a decade, yet they’re totally convinced we’ve been an item for a year…now we can’t even say “hi” without being surrounded by flash bulbs, which makes it a whole shit-ton harder to tell you I still have feelings for you.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr/discord/AO3 as cinagray. tellthenight on pillowfort.


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